Keep Your Chin Up, Beautiful..

The last four blogs have been somewhat planned but this one wasn't planned at all. At times (especially at night) my mind is racing so fast that it's hard to get my thoughts straight. As soon as I got home from work, all I wanted to do was relax but unfortunately that has become impossible.

Every since I took on more responsibility at work my stress level has gone way up. I find it less and less easier to relax myself. My stress level was close to 100% today and my emotions were way out of wack. I tend to be a pretty patient person and working in a class of one year olds you really have to be. I left work today with absolutely no patience and extreme road rage. I can only handle so much - enough is enough.

I need a vacation. My last vacation was in August of 2010. I am in NEED of one, asap. I don't get a paid vacation until after a year which isn't until October. I may take one anyways - even if it's only for a long weekend. I do have the weekends off but two days is never enough.

A couple months ago, I bought a sketch pad, colored pencils, regular pencils and a few other things. For a week or so I was really into sketching. I never became very good but it was fun. I have about 5 coloring books (yes I am like a 5 year old) and I love it. It tends to relax me - especially trying to stay in the lines. I may start drawing again soon - or maybe even start painting or something artistic.

In November of 2010, my grandma & grandpa took me to see The Rockettes at Radio City Music Hall for the Christmas Extravaganzo. It was an amazing trip and the show was incredible. That was only my second time to NYC and I loved it. I would never want to live in the City but visiting it isn't so bad. There's so much to see, lots of shopping and incredible museums. I would also love to visit Boston again. I haven't been there in ages but the same as NYC - amazing museums, beautiful architecture and lots of shopping. I need a date though - not the type of place to go solo.

So I feel like there tends to be moments when the same things pop up in my mind. It's irritating in a way but also really special in a way. It's extremely hard to sleep when my mind is constantly racing. It's also sometimes hard to put things into words. When I was younger (like 18 or 19) I used to write poetry and some of them were fairly good. Back then, I used to have a lot more on my mind - more negative things than positive like I wanted to beat an ex boyfriends' bum or some bitch was talking smack. Now, it's stuff like..

• The fact that I want to get married someday.
• Have children someday and the fact that I would love if my first was a little boy. Baby boys are better than baby girls.
• If I ever will be fully happy.
• Where I will be 5 years from now.
• How lost I will be when my mom leaves this world.
• If in 10 years, our world will be like the Jetsens and how amazing that would be.

I don't like thinking about death and how I would feel if someone close to me passed. I am in no way a religious person but I would hope my loved ones went to a happy, peaceful and beautiful place as opposed to a horrible & ugly place. My dog, Max - was put to sleep on March 19th. It was most definitely the saddest day of the entire year. Max was a big part of my life. We got him when I was 13 - so basically he was around for 1/2 my life. He was there for me - he comforted me when I was sad & sick. He was such a good dog & I loved him dearly.

The day before my dog died my nephew was born - Benjamin. He is the most beautiful baby boy I have ever seen. He's just darling. He's a blessing and I am a very proud Auntie.

I guess I have to wait another extra week before S is here. I'm not mad but definitely sad. I am extremely anxious and I just want to be in his arms (for a hug) now. Asap. Pronto.

Til next time!
Love & Kisses.